Friday, July 23, 2010
Hi readers. Long time no blog le. My life is a bore. Work, lesson, study. I'm tired. I'm stressed up. There's no one is there to motivate or to support me. There's nth I can look foward to. Not like past few months. When I'm stress, I usually told myself not to give up. B'cos everytime meet you, it's just like a way to destress. No one will understand how I feel. I really miss those days we usually meet up. You are always the first and the last thing in my mind. Now, when I thought of you, I just went into daze. Even at work or while studying. I never fail to go into daze thinking of u. I just dun understand. Why you suddenly just *poof* went missing, living your own life, while not telling me anything. From daily msging, it became a rare thing. I fucking miss you so much. Losing you made me love you even more. I dun understand y others could just let go do easily and set on another target. Maybe I am just a fool waiting and hoping for the day you come back. the only way to destress myself is to stuff myself with food, chocolate as well as ice cream. seriously i can feel i am no longer the calm me. i feel like shouting into the ocean hoping some fishes could accompany me. i dun like eating my meals all alone, while browsing through facebook or twitter. the feeling sucks. seeing post on facebook and twitter, encourages me to stuff all the food into my stomach. i just couldn't take it. if not for stress, i dun think i will be eating my meals. i guess no one will see my post barh.treat it as i'm mad. There's no more reason to hold me back. i am really at the verge of going insane real soon. Bye.
Under the SEA11:32 PM
Monday, June 14, 2010
hi readers. seeing dust in my blog alr. so decided to post some stuff. i'm feeling out of place, thinking i am not even meant to be where i am. A little of shag too. yesterday was spending my night at marina sand hotel. din really sleep well. hais. Standing at the balcony, gazing at the stars in the sky. it may not be tons of them but at least i knew you were there. Thoughts kept rolling into my mind. Friends and family kept giving me negative thoughts. One fren once told me, "roy, think carefully. you did so much but this is what you get and see. is it worth it?" i remained silence. if i get this question a few months ago, i will say "yes, it's all worth it." infact i dun even know how to answer this question right now. Seeing and knowing what's everything is happening, i think i am just doing all these shitty things while others just enjoyed it. Fate once told me it's impossible, i denied, i fight for it. Now fate is gone. but i'm lost. I dun want to know anything. i dun want to see anything. I am tired of everything. i tried my best to save as much money as possible. people only see that i spend so much for someone but do they know that i skipped meal for it? seeing things i like, i just turn and walk away. After sometime, it became a habit. spending on myself i rather save it up and get something better for someone. i think it's all worth it. Just wanna say if one day i stop msging and picking up calls, just forget about me. time is getting shorter each day. If you can't make up your mind, just forget about me. I am stubborn, just want to let you know, i will always love you but it just that at times i have stop showing it.
Under the SEA9:27 PM
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Hi readers. Feeling very miserable. Checking my phone for SMS. But ther's none. Expecting a call but it was nothing. I just couldn't believe I have become so emotional after the things that happen recently. I must really thanks Daniel alot. If not for him I might not even hold on this friendship. Because of the happenings, wo ku le. It's my first time after so many years. I broke down almost any where and anytime. I even broke down infront of Dan. Thanks dan for being there for me and cheering me up. I know it sound gay but thanks bro. i guess this would really take me a long time to heal from it. i really hope things will get better. maybe being friends is not that bad either. at least i know there's someone who can do a better job and take good care of you. maybe that's what you call having feeling barh. I can't afford to lose any of my friends seriously. i have no other friends who can share my laughter and sorrow together with me, go out with me talk to me or even sms me. i really have no other groups of friends le. if i fall, i have to stamd up all by myself. maybe i rely on you guys too much le. i really wish you happiness and forget about all the sorrows. let me carry those sorrows with me barh. Every love songs has it story. every song has it's ending, every story has it's ending too. it same applies to every happy moments. there's always an end to everything. I don't know why yesterday i rush to bishan to buy something. thought of giving you but i dun think i should barh. shall keep it with me where ever i go, keeping all our happy memories in it. Stay happy readers. i hope i could be as happy as you guys too. please do give me some time to heal barh. see ya. bye.
Under the SEA10:44 PM
Monday, May 17, 2010
Hi everyone. life is not going very smoothly. shall cut it short. my main purpose of blogging today is hoping that someone sees this post. i would like to say I'm sorry to this particular person. Because my jealousy and idiotic thoughts. i broke my promise. when you needed someone to talk to the most, i just got trap by a devil which is jealousy in my head. i dun know how to explain but i just know that i am feeling very uneasy right now. Seriously i'm feeling guilty while disappointed. i just don't understand what's happening to me. do you guys just understand the agony i'm going through? What i can do is to swallow those agony and pretend i have never heard of it or seen any. I may not seems to care but in the bottom of my heart it hurts LOADS! ya. i know i'm talking like an idiot right here but believe me it really hurts right down my heart. please i beg you. show your true facial expression alright? i dun mind you are angry. if you are angry just show it. if you are happy show it too. if you are sad show it as well. I can feel that it's all just a show. even drama has an ending. i hope yours too. no matter what happens, remember this, i am willing to do anything just for YOU! If you are not around, my heart turns dead, my mind turns blank. without you in my life, there's no other reason of me to carry on in life. AND I'M SERIOUS.
Under the SEA12:01 AM
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Hi all. How's everything? I'm feeling super shag today. But I just feel like blogging some stuff. Sometimes I am just too tired to thing about stuff but all I wan to know is an answer from your mouth. Nvm shall stop here I'm tired. The chances are getting slimmer it is almost impossible. Is it very difficult to be with the one you love deeply? I'm tired. Leave me alone.
Under the SEA1:03 AM
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Hi readers, guess what i think some people just love reading my post and kept pestering me to update. hahas!!! did nothing much today. was like go work, then rush home and to lessons. Dammn Shag day. comfirm panda eyes tmr. tmr still need to wake up at 7am. What the hell lor!! RAWR! Wonder if you guys does feel lost easily. lost as in maybe without someone or something, you just felt that something was missing. or maybe you just couldn't understand why you are feeling that way. Sometimes there are things which have their reason why they aren't to be together or maybe even meant to meet. there are reasons for everything. sometimes i really hope dreams could be real. If i am able to be with this person till i'm old, just like my dream, tell you wad, even if you wan me to die now, i will never have any regrets in my life. NEVER! hahas thats it. crap right hahas. end with laughter and joy. . .
Under the SEA12:15 AM
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Hi all, i'm so tired. i just don't feel like moving. After seeing so many of my school mates and friends are starting skul, i felt ashame. someone gave this comment saying that going ite is better than those who didn't go anywhere. I am fine with it but i start feeling that i am useless. i am just wasting 1year learning nothing new. what i can do now is to keep studying and prevent myself from thinking so much. i just don't feel like staying here anymore. pls take me to somewhere else. When someone ask where am i studying, i am really mouth stricken. i dun know how to answer at all. failing a year is just like being kicked out of the society. And i have been having the same dream over and over again. Not once, not twice but it's a week already. every morning i woke up with this illusion which isn't true at all. how i wish i could just stay in that dream and never wake up. And a warning to someone. I know what the fcuk you are trying to do and say but let me tell you i won't fall for it. so freak off alright? Ending with shame and envy.
Under the SEA12:02 PM